I met her on probation dead all over
I can still recall the boxer shorts she wore
She was drinkin' Dr. Pepper with Led-Zeppelin,
and I knew no guy would ever love her more;
The judge declared I'd warp her mind forever;
She said to me her brother's name was Hy;
But who'd have thought she'd wind up on "The Gong Show";
I now can kiss my credit cards goodbye.